late night thoughts

as i sit here getting ready to do my devos for the night i'm just thinking on the past week.

it's a good thing i'm not God. i fail at the simplest things. for the last 2 days i pray to Him in the morning: "God, today is Your day. Use me." then as i'm driving home i think, "where did i give God my day?" I keep coming up short with ways that i'm sold out to God in a day.

i keep failing. i ask God for help, but i keep choosing to ignore the paths He gives me out of temptation. Maybe i need to not put myself in that situation at all.

How do i lead a congregation in worship, or even my band for that matter, if i can't even control my own life?

maybe it's not about controlling my life. i've been convicted to think about God in such a different way than i've always done it. Choosing to love God not because i should but because i want to do it. it's crazy that after 22 years of being in the church that's all it took to make me think.

I need help God. I know I can't do it on my own. Please show me what you would have me do.