you ever noticed how awesome music is? music can capture a thought it 3 minutes that a speech can do in 45 minutes. wanna do it faster? use a picture.
I love that God has shown us his beauty in music and pictures. It's amazing how they inspire us in such a small amount of time and how there's 3 bazillion (or more) of them out there and each one hits everyone in a different way... that alone is proof there is a God.
I've subscribed to collide magazine recently and i'll tell ya.. I love it. While yeah there are certain things I can't say I agree with they really do try and do a good job of displaying both sides of each issue and letting the reader decide what works for them. What I've really noticed is that they recommend media to help enhance a worship service but not at the cost of missing the true purpose of worship and getting in the way.
As I struggle to figure out how that works I'm captivated again by all the amazing ways God can use a simple lighting change, a dynamic change, or even just a sentence to touch our hearts. It humbles me that I'm able to be the person who can help affect this kind of... well, worship. Does God need me? heck no! but I am so glad to be where I'm at. I love what I do and I wish I had more time to do it better. Take a walk (once it gets warmer) and praise God for the colors of the sky, for the way the grass is green, and for all the people driving by. (on a side note, the band i'm listening to now "the swell season" has a great sound.. i know nothing about their lyrical content so pardon me if they're the world's worst band ever).
God, grant me the wisdom to use technology, media, arts, lighting, and music to bring people to worship you. Give me leadership through humility and not judging. Thank you so much for these gifts, help us all use them and draw closer to you.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Where to go next
While I am the worship leader at my church, i'm also the "leader" of the young adult group (frankly, sometimes it seems i get leadership by default). And i've been wondering where to go next. How do i help peers grow? I guess if i felt i had an answer i wouldn't be posting this. Maybe if people read this, feedback would help :). It was mentioned to me that maybe we should do more service-0riented projects, but it was also mentioned that more teaching is good too. I don't know what to do.
I've reached this point in my spiritual journey where i see how flawed i am, and it bugs me. It's one of those "i've always known" things, but it's just becoming more and more evident now. I don't feel i'm equipped to lead others when i'm not always making great decisions myself. Do i see that i have talent? Yes. I'm not trying to brag or anything, I just have done a bunch of different personality tests and searching and i know where my strenghts lie and frankly they all lie in leadership. so back to my original question: where now?
I believe I need to be more authentic. living life and saying what it is. defining where i stand, not just hinting at it. maybe that's what our group needs too. maybe we need definition. maybe we need a place to come once a week and pour out our souls in worship and confession. maybe we don't need that. maybe i should stop saying maybe so often.
people saying writing things out is easier to organize their thoughts... not me. I write and how it comes out is how it stays, i want my writing to be like a conversation. is it right to lay it all out online though? for the world to see? would a conversation with you be better than you reading my disorganized thought pattern? or is this a great way to talk to the world and have them talk back? who knows.
God, make my life real to me and to others. Give me the courage to be a bright light, not one that people see in a distance. Give me the wisdom to lead. Give me the patience to allow myself and others to fail and then grow together and learn from it. Give me humility, because frankly, i've been feeling like it's my show, and it's so far from that. Teach me true worship day in and day out.
I've reached this point in my spiritual journey where i see how flawed i am, and it bugs me. It's one of those "i've always known" things, but it's just becoming more and more evident now. I don't feel i'm equipped to lead others when i'm not always making great decisions myself. Do i see that i have talent? Yes. I'm not trying to brag or anything, I just have done a bunch of different personality tests and searching and i know where my strenghts lie and frankly they all lie in leadership. so back to my original question: where now?
I believe I need to be more authentic. living life and saying what it is. defining where i stand, not just hinting at it. maybe that's what our group needs too. maybe we need definition. maybe we need a place to come once a week and pour out our souls in worship and confession. maybe we don't need that. maybe i should stop saying maybe so often.
people saying writing things out is easier to organize their thoughts... not me. I write and how it comes out is how it stays, i want my writing to be like a conversation. is it right to lay it all out online though? for the world to see? would a conversation with you be better than you reading my disorganized thought pattern? or is this a great way to talk to the world and have them talk back? who knows.
God, make my life real to me and to others. Give me the courage to be a bright light, not one that people see in a distance. Give me the wisdom to lead. Give me the patience to allow myself and others to fail and then grow together and learn from it. Give me humility, because frankly, i've been feeling like it's my show, and it's so far from that. Teach me true worship day in and day out.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
i tried so hard
yeah, if anybody was/is a linkin park fan you probably remember that lyric.
I tried so hard and got so far, but in the end it didn't even matter (yes, i changed them a bit). I really only thought of this right now. All God really wants from me is me. All of me. I so easily let things get in my way. It seems the harder I aim at perfection, the more i miss it.
My small abilities and my few (very few) good choices wind up paling in comparison to what is perfect. Actually they more than pale, they get completely blown out of the water (and then out of the air after they're out of the water). My prayer tonight was "God, just one day of not screwing up would be nice", but we both know that's not going to happen. (not that God can't, i can't)
I've realized lately that since i've become the worship leader at church (since march 2008) i've become more egotistical and more controlling. yeah, there's some good things going on, but this stuff needs to change. there are times that i get frustrated that people don't know as much as me, or can't keep up with the rythm, or even just showing up on time. Yes, these are things that need fixed and we will work on them, but in my mind i get frustrated and that is SO WRONG!
people need guidance and shepherding, not my judgmental thoughts. it's time to change some ways.
God, I can't do this on my own (we both know that... now). I need help if i'm going to minister to these people. They're family. Help me treat them as such.
I tried so hard and got so far, but in the end it didn't even matter (yes, i changed them a bit). I really only thought of this right now. All God really wants from me is me. All of me. I so easily let things get in my way. It seems the harder I aim at perfection, the more i miss it.
My small abilities and my few (very few) good choices wind up paling in comparison to what is perfect. Actually they more than pale, they get completely blown out of the water (and then out of the air after they're out of the water). My prayer tonight was "God, just one day of not screwing up would be nice", but we both know that's not going to happen. (not that God can't, i can't)
I've realized lately that since i've become the worship leader at church (since march 2008) i've become more egotistical and more controlling. yeah, there's some good things going on, but this stuff needs to change. there are times that i get frustrated that people don't know as much as me, or can't keep up with the rythm, or even just showing up on time. Yes, these are things that need fixed and we will work on them, but in my mind i get frustrated and that is SO WRONG!
people need guidance and shepherding, not my judgmental thoughts. it's time to change some ways.
God, I can't do this on my own (we both know that... now). I need help if i'm going to minister to these people. They're family. Help me treat them as such.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
late night thoughts
as i sit here getting ready to do my devos for the night i'm just thinking on the past week.
it's a good thing i'm not God. i fail at the simplest things. for the last 2 days i pray to Him in the morning: "God, today is Your day. Use me." then as i'm driving home i think, "where did i give God my day?" I keep coming up short with ways that i'm sold out to God in a day.
i keep failing. i ask God for help, but i keep choosing to ignore the paths He gives me out of temptation. Maybe i need to not put myself in that situation at all.
How do i lead a congregation in worship, or even my band for that matter, if i can't even control my own life?
maybe it's not about controlling my life. i've been convicted to think about God in such a different way than i've always done it. Choosing to love God not because i should but because i want to do it. it's crazy that after 22 years of being in the church that's all it took to make me think.
I need help God. I know I can't do it on my own. Please show me what you would have me do.
it's a good thing i'm not God. i fail at the simplest things. for the last 2 days i pray to Him in the morning: "God, today is Your day. Use me." then as i'm driving home i think, "where did i give God my day?" I keep coming up short with ways that i'm sold out to God in a day.
i keep failing. i ask God for help, but i keep choosing to ignore the paths He gives me out of temptation. Maybe i need to not put myself in that situation at all.
How do i lead a congregation in worship, or even my band for that matter, if i can't even control my own life?
maybe it's not about controlling my life. i've been convicted to think about God in such a different way than i've always done it. Choosing to love God not because i should but because i want to do it. it's crazy that after 22 years of being in the church that's all it took to make me think.
I need help God. I know I can't do it on my own. Please show me what you would have me do.
so here we go
as much as i'm not really for blogs i decided to start one to mostly just record my journey towards spiritual maturity (assuming that actually happens). hopefully this can help you grow.
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a worshipper's heart
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as i grow i hope other's can use my choices (both good & bad) to help them make better decisions than i have. here's a place where i'll lay it all out.
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