i tried so hard

yeah, if anybody was/is a linkin park fan you probably remember that lyric.

I tried so hard and got so far, but in the end it didn't even matter (yes, i changed them a bit). I really only thought of this right now. All God really wants from me is me. All of me. I so easily let things get in my way. It seems the harder I aim at perfection, the more i miss it.

My small abilities and my few (very few) good choices wind up paling in comparison to what is perfect. Actually they more than pale, they get completely blown out of the water (and then out of the air after they're out of the water). My prayer tonight was "God, just one day of not screwing up would be nice", but we both know that's not going to happen. (not that God can't, i can't)

I've realized lately that since i've become the worship leader at church (since march 2008) i've become more egotistical and more controlling. yeah, there's some good things going on, but this stuff needs to change. there are times that i get frustrated that people don't know as much as me, or can't keep up with the rythm, or even just showing up on time. Yes, these are things that need fixed and we will work on them, but in my mind i get frustrated and that is SO WRONG!

people need guidance and shepherding, not my judgmental thoughts. it's time to change some ways.

God, I can't do this on my own (we both know that... now). I need help if i'm going to minister to these people. They're family. Help me treat them as such.